Startled
by Gonzaga422
Summary: Neela becomes startled after an encounter with Ray. Set during and after the episode “I Don't”.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: ER, its characters, and lines from the scripts belong solely to NBC studios. Spoilers for the end of Season 13.

* * *

Neela squeezed through numerous colleagues at Abby's wedding in attempts to fill her lungs with fresh air – air that was not permeated with the smell of stingy sweat, alcoholic breaths, or the rich food. Air that would be revitalizing and allow her the briefest of moments to clear not only her lungs, but her head as well. It's not that she wasn't enjoying Abby's wedding, for she could not think of a single person more deserving of all the happiness a wedding could buy. Abby's life has not been easy, so Neela was elated that Luka vowed to her his love, trust, and fidelity for the rest of their days together. 

She just needed a reprieve for a moment; this wedding was causing her mind to swarm with endless thoughts of her own life. A life, though headed in the right direction, had taken few, if any of the paths, she previously had planned. Yes, she always wanted to be a doctor and never for a moment thought it would be easy; but the hurdles that had been placed in front of her during her journey through med school and beyond were much larger and more numerous than she had ever imagined. She had prepared herself for the nerves that came with practicing medicine for the first time, taking patients' lives in her own hands, long hours of endless shifts, unending piles of medical books and journals demanding to be read, and sleepless nights as a result of all the above.

What she had not prepared herself for was the extra emotional baggage that would come with her life in Chicago. Not the emotional baggage that was attached to the demands of being a med student, intern, or resident, but the baggage that came with her social life, however existent or non-existent it may have been. Neela never planned on moving in with an arrogant punk rocker with dreams of practicing medicine; but when money was tight and an affordable apartment was no where in sight, she had to take her chances. She never planned on staying long, but when the shoe fit, how could she leave? She never planned on becoming his best friend and leaving him the way she did, but when there was no other option, she didn't have a choice in the matter. She never planned on dating anyone in the army, especially one that would be stationed over seas for countless lonely hours. And most of all, she never planned on getting married, shipping her husband off to war, and becoming his widow – all before the age of thirty. Even if she had been absurd or ludicrous enough to plan such chaos, she never could have been prepared for it.

So much had happened in just a few short years and it was all hitting her like a thick smog choking the oxygen out of her lungs. She needed to escape from this crowd and inhale fresh air to revitalize her already struggling lungs. Neela stepped out of the main room, walked over to the windows, and gazed out upon the city before her. As she cleared her lungs she also attempted to clear her mind of the distant past and pondered about earlier in the evening. She had been preparing to leave for the wedding when there was a knock at the door. Not expecting anyone and rarely frequented by any visitors, Neela was bewildered as to whom was there. She opened the door to find Tony gazing at her, explaining that he would escort her to the wedding. Though Neela did not need or want an escort, she realized it would be wasted energy to rebut him. What would she have done? Told him no, and then followed him there? Ridiculous. They were both going to the same place; at that point, they might as well have gone together.

Tony; yet another step on her journey that she had not planned on. She had never been the kind of girl to hook-up with random men or have one night stands; that was Ray's department; she needed more than that. Perhaps that's why she chose to marry Michael. He was loyal, dedicated, and trustworthy. He was the safe choice, but when he was gone she stopped caring about herself. She wanted to be numb to the pain of his death. Numb to the pain of her grief. Numb to the pain of her guilt. Her guilt. Perhaps that was the major driving force in her debaucherous relationship with Tony. She wanted to hide her guilt – to hide from her guilt. It's not that she didn't like Tony, she did; but she didn't love him either. Yet, he was filling a void in her life, and she wasn't about to let that go. Not yet.

Neela was so deep in thought that she never even noticed that someone else had already had the same idea as she. She never heard when he started making his way towards her. She didn't even see him out of the corner of her eye. So when he spoke through the deep silence, Neela was spooked. "Hey, Neela." Neela jumped a bit. "Oh, gosh, you startled me! Hi, Ray."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: ER, its characters, and lines from the scripts belong solely to NBC studios. Spoilers for the end of Season 13.

* * *

Neela and Ray were standing shoulder to shoulder staring out the window together. "How are you doing?," Ray asked.

Neela turned to Ray, "I'm ok. Just out here to clear my head, ya know?" Ray pulled something out of his pocket that Neela couldn't quite identify. As he handed it over to her, she saw it was a CD. "What's this?," she asks.

"It's for you. I started doing a little bit of recording again, on my own and it's got some songs I've been working on."

Neela was touched, though it wasn't an extravagant gift, she had never been given a CD before. "Really?," she responds, "that's great."

"There's one about you, but you will have to figure it out, plus a few others I burned. You know some songs we used to listen to when were roommates." Neela paused for a minute. Roommates. It seemed ages ago, but once upon a time they were roommates. She remembered how she loathed when he called her _roomie_. Yet, as time went by, it grew on her, and, though she hated to admit it, so did he.

She pulled herself out of her memory and back into the present moment. "I'm sorry, Ray."

Ray looked up and into her eyes. "About what?"

"I thought I was coming alone and he just turned up. I didn't know what to do." Neela said, attempting to offer an explanation as to why she was escorted by Tony. She would be downright lying if she said she didn't know Ray was affected by it.

"No offense, but, um not knowing what to do has become your baseline," Ray replied, as he broke off his gaze into her eyes and turned to lean against the window sill.

Again, if Neela ignored the fact that this was upsetting to Ray, she would be lying to herself. "This isn't easy for me, Ray. I've had a pretty hard time, ever since…" She hesitated, as if attempting to find the right words, "…losing Michael; I still haven't quite…"

"Yeah, I know." Neela pondered... Does he really know?

"I mean, Tony was new. There was no history. He didn't make me think about things from before. Maybe I rushed into things because it made moving on easier." She knew there was more to it than that, and Ray deserved a better explanation, but her lips couldn't find the right words.

"So I feel like history to you?," Ray said as he turned to face her.

"I couldn't separate you from Michael. I couldn't be with you and not feel guilty." Perhaps she could deny the truth to those in the ER, to her friends, to Tony, and may be even Ray, but Neela couldn't deny herself anymore. She had fallen in love with Ray. Again, yet another thing she never planned on happening. Another event she wasn't prepared for. Michael made sense, but Ray? They were polar opposites. And yet, she had fallen for him all the same.

"What about now?," he said; reaching over and holding her wrist, rubbing it gently with his thumb.

What about now?, thought Neela. How could she admit that she had fallen in love with him, while she was married to her husband? How could she admit that all those lonely nights when Michael was fighting over in Iraq, it was not his arms she longed to be in? Not his lips she longed to kiss? They were Ray's. All Ray's. That's why she had to leave their apartment. That's why she had to leave him; physically and emotionally. Though she may not have loved Michael the way she should have or as much as she should have, she took her wedding vows seriously, and was not about to betray them. Even if it was for the man she loved more than anything in the world.

"Now?," Neela paused, "I'm not sure all that matters anymore."

He looked deeply into her eyes. "Meaning...?"

What did she mean? She had to take those courses of actions in the past; to protect herself. To protect Ray. To protect Michael. Though she was released of her vows after Michael's death, she couldn't pick up a relationship with Ray. The roots of their deepened feelings were embedded during the time of her marriage, and to allow the fruit of those roots to continue to blossom would be a form of adultery. Wouldn't it? It would be a betrayal to the memory of an honorable man.

This was the wall Neela constantly hit when it came to Ray. Ray was always waiting on the other side, but Neela couldn't climb it nor could she tear it down. There was too much at stake if she did that. Neela needed someone to fill the void in her life. The gaping hole most would assume was a result of Michael's death, but Neela knew better. The void was Ray, but that truth could never be revealed.

During this constant struggle she needed someone to fill that void. Tony was on her side of the wall. Though he may be not the smartest choice of the litter, he was safe. There were no roots. He was no way near close to filling the void, no man could measure up to Ray, but there was a part he did fill. Though he did not have an honorable purpose in her life, he still did have one. As selfish and wrong as it may be to hold on to Tony, Neela thought it would be better to have him than no one.

Before Neela had a chance to respond and make, quite possibly, the lamest attempt to form into words the thoughts which had just flown through her mind, she was requested to join Abby. Although this was an important conversation, today was Abby's day. Abby needed her, and well, she was the priority. "I'd better go," Neela mumbled.

In the midst of turning to walk away, Neela told Ray, "we'll talk later." That was when she saw it, that glimmer of hope in his eye; that tiny little sparkle that could shine as bright as the North Star. As she was walking away, Neela was overcome with the weight of despair. She loved Ray and hated to see him hurt, but struggled to understand their place in this life. If _they _even had one.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: ER, its characters, and lines from the scripts belong solely to NBC studios. Spoilers for the end of Season 13.

* * *

Neela stood and watched Abby and Luka dance their first dance together as a married couple. All in all the ceremony went pretty well. Actually, the more Neela thought about it, she couldn't have imagined it any other way for her dear friend, Abby, and her new husband. As she watched them glide across the floor, Neela's mind wandered to her current predicament. Here before her were two people whose love had not only faced life's obstacles straight on, but overcame them with perseverance and determination. She wondered if she had the strength to do that in her own life. Was her love strong enough to carry her over the obstacles in her own life? Was her love strong enough for her to admit the truth to herself? Was her love strong enough for her to admit the truth to the outside world?

It was in that moment of deep introspection that Neela realized that she had to end things with Tony. Though she may never have the strength to break down or even climb the wall over to Ray, she couldn't continue living a lie. Yes, Tony may have been her lame attempt to fill the deep empty void in her life, but it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Tony and it wasn't fair to Ray. She may never reconcile her inner betrayals in order to admit to Ray her undying affections, but she couldn't continue living a façade with Tony. However, she knew that a wedding was neither the time nor the place for such conversations.

Tony had been keeping his eye on Neela, hoping for a possible dance. He approached her and started caressing her cheek with his smooth fingers. "Hi there," he finally whispered. "I've missed you." Neela froze, caught up in her thoughts and the warmth that was now spreading across her cheek. Actions like this weren't surprising by Tony, he was always very flirtatious and affectionate; but this caught her off guard because she knew this wasn't what she wanted or needed anymore.

Unbeknownst to her, Ray witnessed the interaction from a distance. When he realized she was not going to stop Tony, any trace of a smile vanished, and that once hopeful twinkle in his eye burnt out. He quickly turned and headed straight for the bar; completely unnoticed by Neela.

After a few seconds of being in a daze, Neela snapped back to her current situation. Being ever-so-proper and not wanting to make a huge scene, Neela gently clasped Tony's hand and pulled it away from her face. "Tony, not now, I need to get back inside."

Tony quickly looked up at her, slightly thrown aback by her dismissal, but didn't argue. Neela turned to walk back inside and glanced back over her shoulder, "Can we talk later? After the reception, I mean."

"Of course," he replied, as she made her way back into the crowd of people.

Neela, not wanting a confrontation with Tony now, mingled around the crowd, stopping to say hi to various coworkers along the way. All the guests seemed to be enjoying themselves. Of course, she hadn't noticed when Ray had made his way to bar earlier and started drinking away his sorrows.

As she made her way to the bar she saw Tony and Ray standing next to one another, obviously deep in a conversation that was beginning to escalate. She took a few more steps and was taken aback to the scene and sounds before her.

"…there are two things I won't let you screw around with: that is patients' lives and…" Ray paused for a moment.

"and what, Ray," Tony challenged.

Snapping his head to look Tony straight in the eyes, "and Her."

"Hey, I care about her you sulky little piss-ass," Tony retorted.

Ray rolled his eyes, "the problem is, you're the only one who buys it."

Pratt, realizing that catastrophic results were in store if this conversation continued down its current course, butted in, "Come on, Ray, let's go…"

Tony, desperate to get in the last word, "Wait, wait, wait. Let me just say… remember that thing you guys had in the past?," glancing over at Neela and then back to Ray, "It's Over. Finished. Done."

Finally, after remaining quiet for too long, Neela spoke up, "Hey!" As she glared from Ray, to Tony, and back to Ray. Neither taking much notice at this point.

Ray, turning back to the bar mumbled ever so clearly, "You don't know how to take care of her."

"Ray, please," Neela pleaded.

Tony, snearing at Ray, "Well, Ray, at least I'm trying." He began to make his way over to Neela.

That was the final straw for Ray, for he turned back to Tony's direction and stated, ever so forcefully, "That's right; that's right… like you took care of Meg, huh?"

Tony swung his body around, fuming. His eyes narrowed at the sight of Ray and slowly, but deliberately, made his way towards him.

Pratt and Morris finally intervened and pulled them apart. "Let it go," Morris said to Tony, "let it go; he's drunk."

Tony turned back towards Neela, "ok," he said. Not even a second later he threw his drinks and dove for Ray, smashing his head into the bar.

Ray, not one to back down when challenged, retaliated with a right hook to the side of Tony's face.

Neela stunned and at a loss for words just stared as Pratt and Morris peeled Ray and Tony apart, dragging each out of the room in opposite directions.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: ER, its characters, and lines from the scripts, belong solely to NBC studios. Spoilers for the end of Season 13.

* * *

Neela just sat in silence. Though there was music playing and people being rowdy in the next room, everything was silent. The world itself stopped spinning on its axis. Why did things have to escalate and get out of hand? Why was her life a constant soap opera? She had never planned on this. Heck, she never even asked for it. So, why was she cursed with it?

Tony approached her slowly and cautiously. "I'm sorry that happened," he simply stated.

Neela didn't even look up at him. She didn't want to have to face the reality of the situation. "Abby and Luka were in the other room, thank God. They don't even know about it."

"I wasn't looking for trouble," Tony said defensively, "the guy just wouldn't back down."

She suddenly snapped her head up and looked into his eyes. "And there was no other way for it to end without him backing down?"

"What does that mean?" Tony retorted.

Getting frustrated, Neela sighed. "Nevermind. The thing is… I can't do this anymore." There. She said it.

"What?" Tony looked shocked. Almost hurt.

"You know, I think," Neela sighed again, "we both got into this because we knew it had no future. It was just a bridge from one part of our life into another."

"I think it's a lot more than that," Tony disagreed.

"You know I don't love you," Neela whispered. "And I don't think you love me," she stated more confidently. "And I don't see much chance of that changing anytime soon."

Tony was speechless. Almost. "So that's it. It's over between us?"

"Tony, it never really began," Neela murmured. "Let's not kid ourselves any longer."

Tony just stood dumfounded. His lips were moving in attempts to speak, but no words escaped.

"I'm sorry, Tony." Neela stood up to leave and glanced at Tony one last time. "Goodbye." She walked away, back out to the windows where she and Ray had been standing, almost happily, just a few short hours prior.

Looking back out upon the city, she was amazed at its tranquility. Yes, it could be a chaotic city at times, but through its disarray there was a steady rhythm that it always followed. Like a heart steadily beating for each of its members. As she contemplated its unique serenity, she pondered why her own life couldn't reflect the city's placidity. Why would God put such a predicament at her feet? To allow her to fall in love at the wrong time and in the wrong place. A relationship that was doomed from the moment it had started to blossom.

Neela loved Ray more than she ever imagined she could love anyone. It was that love which tore her heart in two. She wished more than anything that she could run to Ray, take him in a loving embrace, and tell him how much she loved him. She was no fool, she saw the passion and desire in his eyes, and it tortured her to deny him. But how, could she, an honorable woman, run into the arms of the man who had stolen her heart when she was married? Such an action would be a dishonor to the memory of her late husband – the man she vowed to remain faithful to during their marriage. Though she never committed any physical acts of adultery with Ray, she thought plenty of it. Just the plain and simple fact that she allowed her heart to be won over by Ray, was adulterous enough in her mind. No, she couldn't be with Ray, not like that.

Friendship. This was all Neela could offer to Ray. This was what Neela had denied Ray for the past year. She had caused him great pain during this time, culminating in the awful altercation at the bar. If she cared for Ray as much as she said she did, he deserved at least an apology from her. He deserved an apology for many things. He deserved so much more than she was able to give. She couldn't give him everything he wanted or deserved, not even close, but she had to start _giving_ again in their friendship.

Neela took out her phone and quickly dialed Ray. When he didn't pick up, she left him a brief message. She may not be able to talk to him tonight, but he needed to know that she wanted to. "Ray, can you call me when you get this? We should talk. Listen, I'm sorry about tonight... Please call me."

…

It had been three days since the wedding and Neela had not seen or spoken to Ray. No one had. He wasn't answering his phone. He wasn't at his apartment. He wasn't at County. At first Neela didn't think too much of it, Ray had been known to disappear without notice at times. But he had never been missing for this long, and never without any lines of communication. Neela pulled out her phone to dial Ray's number again, for what seemed the hundredth time. At that exact moment it began to ring. She looked at the caller ID. She never knew one little word could make her so elated. The screen read "Ray". Thank God, she thought. Thank God.

…

Neela's smile had long faded from her face and she placed her phone back into her pocket. Mercy Hospital? What was Ray doing there? She immediately made her way to the hospital, needing to make sure Ray was ok.

As she walked down the eerie bright white hallway to the room where she was directed, she saw him. He was in the room at the far end of the hallway. Only his face was visible for the rest of him was hidden behind the door. He was in a wheelchair. This wasn't too much of a shock for Neela. Working in the hospital for years now, she knew that it was hospital policy for patients to be transported out of the hospitals in wheelchairs. She figured he was getting ready be discharged.

He glanced over his shoulder and looked deeply into her eyes as she continued to walk towards him. His facial features were frozen in place. There wasn't even a trace of a tiniest smirk. Neela wasn't expecting open arms after the spectacle at the wedding, but she wasn't expecting such a cold reaction as this. The aide helping Ray wheeled the chair around so Ray's full body was exposed in the doorway and he was turned to face her head on.

Ray's eyes looked cold and empty. Not only was there a lack of that hopeful twinkle; there was a lack of everything. They looked dead. Neela had never seen him like this before and her heart started to tear. It was at that moment that she moved her eyes downwards to his chest and then down to his legs. His legs! Neela expected to see two well shaped calves resting on the footrest; instead she was faced with two wrapped stumps.

There have been many things in her life Neela had not been prepared for. But nothing, absolutely nothing, could have possibly prepared her for this sight. Neela's own legs suddenly froze as if they were glued to the floor. They weighed her down like a ton of bricks, making it impossible to carry herself the rest of the way towards Ray. No words were spoken. There was no need for words. They just stared at each other in complete silence. The few brief seconds seemed like an eternity. Then one uncontrollable tear fell from Neela's eye, slowly creeping down the side of her face.

The connection was finally broken when the aide wheeled Ray's chair over to the bed, picked his exhausted body up from the chair, and laid him on the mattress. Neela finally demanded her legs to walk to the room and, taking a deep breath, crossed the threshold, never taking her eyes off of Ray. She pulled the guest chair up to his bed and sat down next to him.

Ray slowly explained his accident. Neela cringed as he described his dreadful experiences of the past few days. She suddenly was overwhelmed with guilt. There she was at Abby's wedding, cursing her life, while Ray was impaled by a truck, leaving his body mangled as it was being crushed.

"They tried to save my legs but the crush injuries were too severe," he softly spoke. "But it could be a lot worse, you know, I could be dead." He let out a forced laugh. "They're going to fit me for prosthetics as soon as the flaps heal," he said bitterly. "So I guess in the meantime I can pimp out my wheelchair and maybe put some flames down the side…"

Neela couldn't stand to hear this. "Ray..."

Ray continued, ignoring Neela. "I'll have a whole new set of legs. A cool van. Hey, I can park in the good spaces now..." he awkwardly joked.

This wasn't funny. "Ray, stop," Neela demanded.

Katey, who had been sitting quietly in the corner since Neela arrived finally spoke up. "Ah, do you want something to drink? I'm going to get a coffee."

Ray, not even turning to look at her, responded, "No, thanks."

She continued, "Umm, I'll call your parents and see if I can get an ETA."

As she walked out of the room, Ray whispered, "Yeah. That's great."

Neela remained quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say. She finally broke the silence. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No."

"Would you like me to tell anyone at County?"

"No," he paused, "I really don't want you to do anything," Ray said coldly.

He had to know that she cared. That she had been worried about him. "You know, I was so worried about you I even went to our..." Neela hesitated, realizing her Freudian slip, "your apartment." Neela attempted to gain eye contact with him.

Ray wouldn't look up. "Well, it's up for lease if you want to move back in. No ramps."

Had he gotten her message? Neela sighed "You know the night this ... after you left the wedding, I tried calling you cause I wanted to talk, I was hoping..."

Ray finally pulled his head up and looked into her eyes. "I know, I know, I was checking the message when I got hit. So, I know."

Neela's heart broke. He was checking her message when he had gotten hit. If she had called him sooner. If she had waited to call him the next day. How could this have happened? To Ray, of all people. How?

Neela couldn't bare it any longer. She loved Ray and she hated to see him like this. If anything, now more than ever, he deserved the truth. The truth that she loved him. The truth that she always had. The truth that she didn't want to lose him. The truth that she wanted to be with him.

All the feelings she had been fighting – the betrayal to Michael's memory; the guilt for falling in love with Ray; the shame of using Tony – they all were meaningless now. How could she have been so stupid? So selfish? Here she was constantly thinking about herself; about Michael; all the while ignoring the most important person in her life – Ray. What she did to Michael; perhaps that was beyond her control. But what she did to Ray. What she had perfect control over. Now that was downright dishonorable. She needed to end this.

"Ray," she spoke softly, "I need you."

He looked at her. "Please, stop."

"I need…" she hesitated, baffled as to why he wouldn't let her continue.

As if he were reading her thoughts, he immediate responded. "You give me hope, and I, like a fool, believe you."

"Ray, that's not true," Neela pleaded.

"It is true," he declared. Not even looking at her, he spoke his mind. His heart. "I've waited for you. I trusted you. I fought for you. And I even fell in love with you. And for what? So you can just keep running back to Gates." He looked defeated.

He had to know the truth. "I'm not. That's what I've been trying to tell you. It's over. Tony and I are done." She looks at him. Her eyes demanding that he understand the truth.

He turns his head and looks into her eyes for a moment. As he breaks their gaze, he states, "Well it doesn't really matter now, does it?" He stared the other way, out the window.

She had never seen him this broken. He didn't understand. He had to understand. "Ray, please. Don't do this. You need to know. I was afraid. I was weak. But I… I love you."

Ray became agitated. "Neela, I said don't. It's too late now. I can't do this anymore."

If Neela's heart wasn't already completely broken, it now was completely shattered. "Ray…"

"Please, Neela. No more." Ray never once looked back at her. He continued to stare out the window until he slowly drifted into a somewhat peaceful slumber.

Neela just sat and stared at Ray while he slept. Why? She finally had the strength and the courage to break down that wall, but he was no longer on the other side waiting for her. She was alone.

Katey walked back into the room, breaking Neela's concentration. "This is Jacy, Ray's mom," Katey said, introducing the two.

Neela looked into the forlorn eyes of Ray's mom. "Hello, I'm so sorry."

Jacy quickly responded, "Ah, no. I've heard a lot about you."

Neela looked back to bed where Ray was sleeping. "Ray and I are good friends."

"He said you were the best roommate he ever had."

Neela couldn't help but smile at her comment. "Well, that's cause I did all his laundry for him."

Jacy laughed. "Oh, I used to think sometimes that was the only reason he came home." Her smile faded as tears started to form in her eyes. "I'm, um, gonna take him home now," she said, "I'm gonna get him better."

Neela walked over to the side of Ray's bed and looked down on his face. Yes, it was bloodied and bruised, but it was beautiful. She leaned down and kissed Ray on the neck and whispered softly into his ear. "You'll get through this. I promise." Ray opened his eyes slightly, still in a daze from sleeping, and looked over at her. Neela started to pull away, but instantly leaned back down once more to Ray's ear and spoke those once familiar words. "You're the best friend I've ever had."

With that, Ray's bed was wheeled out of the room and down the hall and out of her life. She was never prepared to meet an arrogant rocking doctor. She was never prepared to share an apartment with him. She was never prepared to fall in love with him while she was married. And she was never prepared to watch him be wheeled out of her life after such a tragedy. All because she was too late. Fate had a cruel way of making their lives living Hells.

Katey stood next to Neela as they watched Ray and his mom disappear down the hallway. Neela turned to Katey in order to thank her. "You're a good person Katey..."

Katey's eyes narrowed and just glared with anger at Neela. "Oh, shut up, shut up!"

Shocked by her sudden change of mood, Neela took a step back. "Well I know you're upset..."

Katey, not about to let Neela off the hook, took a step forward. "You did this, you selfish bitch. Nobody else, okay. You did. So you live with that." Not wasting a single moment or allowing time for a rebuttle, she quickly turned on her heel and plowed down the hallway Ray had disappeared into.

That was the final straw for Neela; she couldn't bear it any longer. The one single tear that had fallen an hour prior when she faced Ray for the first time now turned into a downpour. The tears fell freely down her face. She didn't even try to stop them; she couldn't have controlled them even if she had wanted to. Katey's words reverberated in her head. "You did this. You did this. You did this." Neela wanted to scream no at those words, but she couldn't deny that Katey was right. How could she, Neela, who was already broken in two, live with that?

After Michael died she had blamed herself for his death. She didn't love him enough, so he was blown up by a bomb. It took her months, but she finally understood that his death was tragic and beyond her control. Even if she loved him more than life itself, it wouldn't have prevented the bomb which blew up his truck. But Ray. He was different. There were so many things she could have done differently that would have prevented this. It was her fault. She hadn't loved Ray enough, and he paid for it, with his legs. Worse than all that, he continued to believe his feelings were one-sided.

Neela was beyond distraught and felt herself falling down to the cold tiles that made the hospital floor. The tiles chilled her skin and caused goosebumps to break out up and down her entire body. She felt the world begin to spin around her. She squeezed her eyes tight trying to will the feeling away. Then she felt it; a strange warmth that began to spread from her torso out to her limbs. Beads of sweat began to break out on her forehead and run down her face. How was it that she was breaking into a sweat while curled up on the cold floor covered by nothing except the cool draft that came through the open door? She began to lose feeling in her arms and in her legs. Trying to regain feeling, she attempted to move them around, but she couldn't. Her whole body was frozen; paralyzed in this awkward position on the floor. She felt a gentle pull which continued to intensify until she felt like her soul was to be ripped out of her body. The pain was unbearable and she let a loud horrified scream roar through her lungs and out of her mouth. At that moment she felt herself fling forward to a sitting position. No longer feeling dizzy, paralyzed, or cold, she opened her eyes.

Neela let out a loud sigh as she took in her surroundings. She was no longer sitting on the frigid hospital floor, but on the soft cotton sheets, that were now drenched with her sweat, which covered her bed. She was in her room. She picked up her watch and looked at the time. The time was 7:23am… on the day of Abby's wedding. Thank God, she thought. It was all a dream… a nightmare.


End file.
